Christmas According to Me

Perhaps it’s because of the season, I don’t know, but I’ve been feeling extra generous these days.

First, there was this business with the laundrywoman.  I had asked if she could send her daughter over to clean my apartment.  They came knocking at seven in the morning.  I was up until four the previous night so I groggily opened the door and before going back to sleep, I sent them off, telling them to come back at twelve, after lunch.  As if they hadn’t understood, they were back at eleven, the laundrywoman shouting from the corridor, “Okay, that’s enough.  You’ve had enough sleep.”

I almost jumped out of my skin.

But this time, I let them in— mother and daughter, armed with grocery bags full of sponges, powdered detergents, disinfectants, and cloths of various colors and sizes.  They wriggled their way through a jumble of shoes, books, and half-filled luggage bags, until they finally found an empty space on the floor to set their equipment on.

“You do the sink while I scrub the bathroom,” the mother immediately ordered, handing her daughter a thick, yellow-and-green sponge.  It was the multi-purpose kind— one side for delicate glasses and china, and another for scrubbing and scouring heavy stains.

“Wait!  I thought I only asked for your daughter,” I called from where I was standing beside the door, one hand still holding the doorknob, though I had somehow managed to light a cigarette with the other.

She didn’t so much as give me a glance.  “Things will get done much sooner if there are two of us working.”

But then I’d have to pay double, I wanted to say, but now she was tossing empty shampoo bottles and soap cartons out of the bathroom, and I was beginning to see that there was no point in arguing.  “Besides,” I said almost inaudibly that I might have been talking to myself, “there’s not much to do.”

Which was an out-and-out lie, I must admit.  I could not even remember the last time I swept the floor, which, I could see now, had yellowed and acquired an overall rough feel.  Layers of dust had made the jalousies opaque; the damp walls were covered with mildew and tobacco smoke.

Well, true enough, they finished in less than two hours.  As they gathered the last few pieces of trash (a chipped plastic food container with a mismatched lid, non-confidential documents from the office, some old magazines), I summoned the old lady and handed her an amount that would surely horrify anyone with enough common sense.  My mother, for instance.  She’d say, “That much for not even a couple of hours! What are you, a philanthropist?”  (That was what she told me when she learned about the business with the plumber who had come to fix a leaky faucet.)

That same evening, while picking at my tonkatsu at a nearby Japanese restaurant, a stout Indian-looking man came walking towards my table.  (I had asked to be seated outside, on account of my penchant for smoking before, during, and after meals.)  A beggar, I believed he was.  For why then was he coming towards me with his eyes fixed on my plate?

Why, nowadays, they come in different forms!  One night just a couple of months ago, I was on my way home from work when a burly, badly sunburned white man (a tourist, he seemed like) wearing an aloha shirt and cargo shorts jumped in front of me.  He had his right arm fully extended, palm facing up.  His hand was dangerously close, as if he were about to cup my chin.  His other arm was wrapped around what seemed to be an enormous bundle of towels.

“Do you have extra money?” he demanded in an unfriendly, business-like tone.  His accent was so heavy, it came out as “Juvstramuhnee?

It was less his accent, though, than the absurdity of the whole situation that had me frozen in my tracks.  A white man!  Begging for money!  As if by impulse, I shook my head.  “Sorry, I—“

I don’t understand, was what I wanted to say.  I don’t understand why a sunburned tourist, in a Hawaiian shirt, in the middle of the city miles and miles from the sea, would beg money from a native.

But he didn’t allow me to explain.  Instead, he hurriedly strode off to the far end of the deserted street, hugging the bundle in his arms, which turned out to be a weightless, sleepy boy who now looked at me with droopy, accusing eyes.  I just stood there, glued to where they had left me, feeling cheated out of my one chance at doing a heroic deed.  I followed them with my gaze until they turned a corner and disappeared into the night.

And now, this Indian (for as he drew nearer, I saw that he was indeed Indian— clean-shaven, more appropriately dressed, and less out-of-place than aloha shirt).  What does he want?  A foreigner would not be satisfied with loose change.  A tonkatsu set, perhaps?  I made a mental calculation and decided that if he asked for it, I could afford to buy him one.

But this Indian, too, did not give me a chance.

I was the only customer seated outside the café— facing the street; behind me was a solid wall.  His gaze still fixed on my food, he walked past a row of empty tables.  And walked past me, right smack into the wall!

Except that the wall had a door.  This I learned later when, without turning back, I heard a rattle of keys and the chink! of key in a metal lock.

Terribly disappointed, I finished the last of my miso soup in one hasty gulp, left an unnecessarily large tip for the waiter, and quickly left the café.

Out on the street, the cool December wind blew.  It wasn’t the biting kind, but it was cold enough to make you wish you had brought a muffler or a thin scarf.  It was getting late but a few shops were still open.  Outside the grocery store, little multi-colored lights were chasing around a sign that said “Welcome!”

There was no earthly reason whatsoever to believe that the white man with the little kid from a couple of months ago would still be around.  But I kept an eye out for them, anyway.

Clusters of families were milling about.  Taking a breather from all the exhaustion and excitement brought about by the last-minute trips to the supermarket, I supposed they were.  An elderly couple limped out of a coffee shop, leaning so close to each other that it was hard to tell who was supporting who.  Trailing them was a miniature version of the old woman, perhaps a great-granddaughter, wearing similar clothes and the same kind of makeup.

I was about to get into the supermarket when I felt a slight tug on my sleeve.  I spun around to see a tiny girl in raggedy clothes; black dirt splayed out of her mouth like hardened whiskers.  Why, I thought, she almost looks like a cat!

She blinked and after a minute of hesitation, she started to sing, “Deck the bowls with jowls of Polly,” which was a mighty difficult song, if you want my honest opinion.  I was impressed.  It all came out tuneless that she might have been reciting a poem, but at least she got the “Falalalala lalalala” part right.  I watched her, amused, and allowed her to finish before handing her a fistful of coins that I had fished out of my pockets.  She started on “Thank you, thank you” but I waved her away.

I watched her skip merrily towards her friends, balling her hands carefully around the coins, as if she had just caught an insect that was trying to get out.  “Merry Christmas!” I called to her.

She didn’t look back, though I thought I saw her ears perk up just the tiniest bit.  Or it could have only been my imagination.

Lesbians That Go Eek in the Night

(Or What To Do When “Shush!” Is Not Enough)

14 October 2011

Mrs. A— C—
Manager
S— Homes
Quezon City

Dear Mrs. C—:

Good day!

Please treat this letter as a formal complaint against the residents of Room 404 of S— Homes.

On numerous occasions in the past, the girls have been a source of extremely loud noise and disturbances that go beyond any human being’s tolerance levels. At around four this morning, they arrived (not just two of them, I suppose), all shrieking and giggling along the corridors. They settled in their room and despite their closing the doors, the noise continued way beyond five a.m.

Please note that the incident this morning was not an isolated case; the girls shriek, giggle, and talk in loud speaking voices at all times of the day, day in and day out, seemingly oblivious of their resting neighbors, who are rightfully entitled to their moments of peace and quiet.

I am aware that the girls have been reprimanded before but by the way they behave, it seems that they have gotten the impression that their neighbors nor the management could do nothing about their offensive demeanor.

In all the three years that I have been living in this apartment, this is the first time I have ever had to encounter this problem. S— Homes used to be a comfortable and peaceful place to live in.

I request you to kindly look into this matter urgently and take suitable action.

Respectfully,

(Signed)
Me
Unit 402
S— Homes

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

 
Today’s my father’s birthday.  I feel a bit emotional now.  I guess it’s because I’ve just downed a 500ml can of Kirin Draft Beer in three hasty gulps.
 
He’s turning 59 today.  At least, that’s what he claims.  Nobody really knows when exactly my father was born.  You see, my grandmother died when he was very little, perhaps just a few months old.  He grew up in an old fishing village, together with his three older siblings, raised single-handedly by my grandfather.  In old fishing villages, nobody really cares about peoples’ birthdays.  When asked, one mother would claim that her daughter was born one hot summer night when the men were out fishing for tuna.  Another would say that she couldn’t remember anything at all except that she gave birth to her eldest son when the moon was full and fish was plenty.
 
My grandfather lived all of his life as a fisherman.  He was born by the sea, he died in the sea.  Just a few steps from the seashore, actually.  One rainy evening, when I was in high school, I got home and found my parents silently seated across the dining table.  My mother had obviously been crying and my father had a somber expression on his face.  Before I could ask what the matter was, my mother spoke in a hushed whisper, "Your grandfather died."  His body was found floating upside down.  He had apparently been fishing; his fishing pole was found right next to his body.  Fishing pole in hand, he had been wading in knee-deep water on a scorching hot afternoon.  People believed he suffered a heart attack, fell flat on his nose, and didn’t have enough strength to stand up or at least turn over so he could float on his back.  No autopsy was done.  There really wasn’t a need for one.
 
The earliest memory I have of my father is when I was four or five years old.  It was late in the morning.  My mother, a schoolteacher, and my sister were both in school; my father was preparing to go to work.  I was home because I didn’t feel like playing with the neighbors.  As he was putting his shoes on, I asked my father if I could go to work with him.  He glared at me and said no.  It was the answer that I expected but I cried anyway.  I followed him out the door and through the bamboo fence that used to surround our house.  Out on the street, tears blurring my vision, I trailed him, maintaining a fair distance so I could run back home if he decided to turn back and give me a good beating.  Everytime he turned around, I would stop in my tracks and bawl even louder.  In an irritated and threatening voice, he would shout, "Go home at once!" or sometimes, "Don’t follow me!"  But I did, anyway, until he broke off a twig from one of the ipil-ipil trees that lined our street, held it firmly in his hand, and made as if he would indeed chase me back to our house and give me the lashing of my life.  Bawling, I ran back home, turning around every so often and watched his back until he was finally out of sight.
 
These past few days, I’ve been thinking about what to give him for his birthday.  Last Christmas, I sent him a brand-new Abu Garcia (his special request, actually) and two bottles of Scotch.  Now that he’s retired from his job as a police officer, he’s spending most of his weekends fishing with his fishing buddies, sometimes on a boat that they would rent for a day or two.  During one of our phone conversations, he mentioned how nice it would be to have a cool Japan-made helmet to go with his sleek "big bike."  I thought, why does he need an extra helmet when he already has two!  Apparently, fathers have no idea how much cool Japan-made helmets cost.
 
Anyway, here’s to my father!  Good health and a hundred more birthdays!

Where Is the Love?

 
How was everybody’s Valentine’s?  I know, this greeting’s (?) more than a week too late.
 
Well, Valentine’s was a big day for me.  It was the day of my "entrance interview" for PhD, that’s why.  Kyoto University has this policy that if (1) you’ve earned your master’s in this same university, and (2) you’ve graduated with satisfactory marks, then you’re exempted from taking the entrance exam.  I didn’t get straight A’s during my master’s; my grades weren’t all "good."  But let’s just say that on the average, they were "satisfactory."  So, I was exempted.  The only thing they asked me to do was to give a brief presentation about my past, present, and future research.  Hence, the "entrance interview."
 
People say it’s all a formality.  Something done out of etiquette and decorum.  A convention.  Well, all I can say is, when you’re in one end of a round table, facing more than fifteen grumpy men, half of them old enough to be your great grandfather, it’s hard to get that idea into your head.  To say that I was butchered, roasted, and grilled would be an understatement.  I thought I would never recover from the trauma it caused me.  A couple of days later, however, when I got a post in my mail saying, "You passed.  So we are informing you," I said to myself, "What the heck!  All’s well that ends well."  Right?  I hope so.
 
In other news, the tickets for Yukio Ninagawa’s adaptation of Shakespeare’s Love’s Labour’s Lost (Koi no honeorizon) are gonna be out from 10 A.M. tomorrow.  However, reservations by premium members of various ticket companies have been going on since a couple of weeks ago.  Damn, I hope there are still front row tickets left. 
 
 
 

 
Obviously, the play has an all-male cast, which makes it very intriguing, in my opinion.  I’m setting my alarm for 9:45 and this laptop’s gonna be put on standby mode for easier access to the internet tomorrow!  A good night to one and all!

The Way North

 
I had always wanted to go north.  All by myself.  On a three-day trip.  When winter is at its "peak."
 
Whenever I was alone with my noble thoughts, I would fantasize about leaving my room on a clear winter morning, just at the break of dawn, with a light backpack filled with warm fleece sweaters, boxes of Calorie Mate of every flavor, and lots of clean, fresh underwear.  I would take the bus to Kyoto station, get on the first train heading north and see how far north it would take me.  Of course, the train would have to stop somewhere.  At the terminal station, if I don’t find myself in a place significantly different from Kyoto, I’d take another northbound train and repeat the whole process until (1) I reach a dead-end (then I would have to go back home and try my luck by taking a different route some other time) or (2) I get to a place where rivers and lakes are frozen and everything – mountains, fields, houses, trees, and even cows! – is covered with snow.
 
Skinny-dipping in a rotenburo is, of course, part of the plan.  (In December, 2005, when Fuyuki invited me over to his hometown in Toyama Prefecture, three hours by rapid train north of Kyoto, he took me to this rotenburo on top of a snow-capped mountain.  It was an awesome experience!)  There’s just something magical about being waist-deep in steaming hot water while lumps of snow pelt against your shoulders and back.  Your legs are getting blanched, your eggs (if you have them) poached, and yet you’re cold and shivering!  The contrasting sensations make you dizzy; the whole thing’s just surreal.  (Now I see why seven out of ten people like being choked while having an orgasm.  Or slapped while having sex.)
 
Hence, on Christmas day, after a lousy Christmas eve, I made a firm resolution to have my fantasy realised.  When they heard about my plan, a young Filipino couple expressed their intention of going with me and since they agreed to let me do all the planning, I readily approved.
 
The trip to Kanazawa in Ishikawa Prefecture, four hours by semi-rapid train north of Kyoto, was set to be from December 29 to 31, 2006.  In my succeeding entries, I will post short accounts of the trip, perhaps together with some nice pictures.  So watch out!

Just Another Cold Winter Night

 
On Christmas eve, I was invited by a Japanese friend to have dinner with his family at their house in Fushimi-ku.  He and his ten-year-old son had been doing some Christmas shopping downtown so at around six, we met up at Takashimaya and walked all the way to Shijo-Karasuma, where my friend’s older sister was waiting at the parking lot where he had parked the family van.
 
We left Shijo at half past seven and had to make a couple of stops along the way so that we were all starving and pretty much exhausted when we got to their place.  We were greeted by my friend’s wife who had apparently finished setting the table ages before we arrived.  The food had obviously gotten cold.  Nevertheless, dinner was great since it was my first time to have makizushi (rolled sushi) that I had to wrap by myself while eating.  It was quite easy.  The only thing that you have to remember is to avoid spreading too much rice over your nori so you won’t end up with an unrollable sushi.  To make one, place a sheet of nori over your palm and cover it with a thin layer of rice.  Put a slice of raw fish in the middle, roll everything up then dip it in soy sauce mixed with wasabi before stuffing it in your mouth!  After having about ten rolls, two helpings of miso soup, a big piece of fried chicken and some vegetable salad with beans and torn leafy greens, I decided I couldn’t eat another bite anymore so I stopped eating altogether and concentrated on finishing my tea instead.  Right after dinner, the kid was sent to the ofuro while the mother cleared the table and took out the Christmas cake – a log cake filled and frosted with mocha cream and garnished with big chunks of chocolate and little birthday candles.  We turned off the lights and lit the candles just before the boy came back in, all fresh and powdered in his short-sleeved shirt and pajama pants.  Needless to say, the kid was ecstatic, especially when he was given the biggest slice of cake with the biggest chunk of chocolate.  Me, I was filled with deep sadness.  I used to enjoy Christmas, too.  Little things – roasted turkey on the table, a crisp five-peso bill from Santa Claus, a big can of biscuits, a box of chocolates and candies – would get me squealing and jumping around the Christmas tree.  Over the years, though, it would feel like there was always something missing.  Christmas had somehow lost its meaning.
 
By eleven-thirty, I was back in Sanjo.  Without anything to do and starting to feel lonely, I walked around aimlessly, trying to get comfort from seeing so many Japanese walking about, seemingly oblivious of the fact that Christmas was only a few minutes away.  Perhaps they were thinking the same about me but had they looked closely, they would have seen how lonesome I was that night.  Minutes later, I found myself by the train station so I decided to take the next train home.  When I got to my room, I e-mailed Fuyuki, telling him how uneventful my Christmas eve was.  He replied, “Don’t give a shit.  It’s just another cold winter night.”  I smiled.  Comforted, I went straight to bed and fell asleep the moment I closed my eyes.

Me in 3s and a 4

 
I got tagged!
 
THREE NAMES THAT YOU GO BY:
  
   1.  Rocky
   2.  Rocsarotti
   3.  Master Rocs (It’s gonna be Doctor Rocs soon, you’ll see!)
 
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD, INCLUDING THE ONE YOU NOW HAVE:
 
   1.  Woolgatherer
   2.  Karaoke Jesus
   3.  Mister Rocs (like "Mister Jem" in To Kill a Mockingbird)
 
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
 
   1.  I’m good at: fabricating stories; (Ask Vivien if you don’t believe me!)
   2.  organizing parties; and
   3.  partying.
 
FOUR THINGS YOU HATE/DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
 
   1.  My eyes betray me whenever I find myself in the hot seat. (long story; Drey knows this well)
   2.  I suck at: budgeting;
   3.  being on time; and
   4.  sucking and getting sucked. (Oh, this is so gonna get bleeped!)
 
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
 
   1.  a samurai sword from my late grandfather (taken from a Japanese soldier during WWII)
   2.  endless debts (monetary; and the equally, if not more, horrible debts of honor)
   3.  some Spanish (Ask my mother if you don’t believe me!), Chinese and German (http://www.genealogy.com) blood
 
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
 
   1.  questions (Don’t ask me why!)
   2.  bliss (There’s gotta be a catch somewhere.)
   3.  thunderstorms!
 
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
 
   1.  Mild Seven Lights™  
   2.  Gatsby Powdered Oil Clear Paper (best product ever invented)
   3.  a trusty lighter
 
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
 
   1.  socks
   2.  Armani Mania
   3.  (nothing else)
 
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
 
   1.  be really mean
   2.  travel somewhere far; alone
   3.  save! (Believe me, this would be something new for me.)
 
TWO LIES AND A TRUTH:
 
   1.  I’m a good Catholic.
   2.  I’m Catholic.
   3.  I’m good.
 
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN’T DO:
 
   1.  cry on cue
   2.  roll my tongue
   3.  pee when someone else is looking
 
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
 
   1.  scrabble (daily)
   2.  bowling (at least once a week)
   3.  drinking! (whenever I feel like it!)
 
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
 
   1.  pee
   2.  kill my housemate
   3.  drown my housemate in pee
 
THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING:
 
   1.  conning
   2.  cab-driving
   3.  translating/interpreting
 
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
 
   1.  Tibet (spiritual)
   2.  Amsterdam (carnal)
   3.  India (gastric/palatal)
 
THREE TRUE LOVES:
 
   1.  nonlinear optimization (Sensei, do you hear me?)
   2.  everything Japanese!
   3.  Did I already mention I love Japan?
 
THREE FAVORITE ANIMALS:
 
   1.  Snoopy®
   2.  fireflies
   3.  Echinoderms (sea stars, brittle stars, sea urchins; used to determine their population density and distribution pattern for a science research project)
 
THREE REASONS WHY YOU’RE DOING THIS:
 
   1.  I’m doing this for all of you. Admit it, you wanna know me better, don’t you?
   2.  It makes for a good filler; nothing interesting to write about these days.
   3.  Mean Adrian ordered me to do this.
 
THREE PEOPLE WHO MUST TAKE THIS QUIZ: (You’ve gotta tag two or three or four others.)
 
   1.  Melai
   2.  Drey
   3.  Sarski

Moved

 
Yesterday morning, at half past four, I lay down to sleep in my room at Kyoto University International House.  Eighteen hours later, I was awakened by a strong autumn breeze that somehow got through the glass window I had absently left open and found its way to the door leading towards the kitchen.  Without getting up, I looked outside, expecting to see tops of pine trees bathed in yellow light.  Instead, I saw nothing but stars, hundreds of them dancing in the clear, cloudless sky.  Right then, I realized I wasn’t in the dormitory anymore. 
 
I had moved.
 
Unopened luggage and paperbags bursting at the seams littered the tatami-lined floor, along with pieces of shirts, pants, towels, jackets, and socks all piled together in a heap.  I was on the sixth floor of a six-floor building surrounded by tons of ramen shops.  Izumiya and Qanat, two enormous shopping malls, were a stone’s throw away; Kyoto University, ten minutes by bike.
 
The apartment is a bit shabby for my taste, but with some fresh curtains, a new set of futon, and a few pieces of wooden furniture, I’m sure everything’s gonna be perfect.  Why, with the grassy smell of the newly-installed tatami mats and the rustic feel of the paper-lined sliding doors, what’s there not to love?